The Hidden Dangers of Being "Nice"
Many of us strive to be nice, believing it's the key to embodying our most cherished personal values. However, there's a significant difference between being nice and being kind – a distinction that's crucial for our personal growth, healthy boundaries, and authentic relationships.
The "Nice" Person's Playbook
People-pleasers often follow an unwritten set of rules:
Monitor yourself constantly to appear pleasing
Avoid offending anyone at all costs
Ensure others only experience positive emotions around you
Suppress any potential for upset, confusion, boredom, irritation, sadness, hurt, anger, or fear in others
The underlying belief behind people pleasing is:"If I make everyone happy and avoid any conflict, I'll be liked and accepted". In spite of our desire to connect with others and sustain relationships, people pleasing can leave us feeling unknown in our relationships.
The Problem with Always Being "Nice"
Being nice, especially when it stems from people-pleasing tendencies, is often rooted in fear rather than genuine goodwill. Here's why it can be problematic:
Fear-Driven Behavior: Niceness often comes from a fear of disapproval or rejection.
Inauthenticity: Constant self-monitoring to appear pleasing can lead to a disconnect from your true self.
Emotional Suppression: People-pleasers often hide their real feelings to keep others happy.
Burnout: Continuously putting others' needs first can lead to exhaustion and resentment.
Beyond Nice: Embracing Authentic Kindness
Moving beyond niceness doesn't mean becoming unkind or inconsiderate. Instead, it's about embracing a more authentic way of interacting with others. This includes:
Being real, direct, honest, and truthful
Expressing your genuine thoughts and feelings
Sharing what's true for you in the moment
Speaking up and asserting yourself
Challenging others when you disagree
Standing behind your convictions
Being willing to have difficult conversations
The key is to communicate with vulnerability, skill, and compassion, especially during conflicts or disagreements.
Stay tuned for part two of this blog series.
Book your free 20-minute consultation today, and let's work together to improve your relationships and mental well-being, whether you're in Ontario, Alberta, or British Columbia.
Warmly,
Hannah Peirce
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