
Accepting support can be a conflicting experience for those who feel a strong urge to please others. Despite the desire for support and care, receiving it may trigger emotions such as shame, guilt, and a sense of inadequacy. However, learning to fully embrace the care and support offered by others is essential for breaking the cycle of people-pleasing.
The Challenge of Receiving Support as a People-Pleaser
Opening ourselves up to receiving support involves being willing to let others witness us in challenging moments, whether we express our struggles verbally or non-verbally.
It is common for individuals who struggle with people-pleasing tendencies to withdraw when faced with tough emotions or situations, essentially hiding away until they feel capable once more. Allowing others to witness our true selves can be daunting and vulnerable.
We may worry that they will perceive us as weak or fragile, that we will dampen the mood of a friend or group, or that we are imposing on those around us. Habitually facing difficult emotions and situations alone can reinforce feelings of inadequacy and shame, as we fear that others may not accept these aspects of ourselves.
Emotional Safety and Vulnerability
It’s important to recognize that there are individuals in our lives who may not feel emotionally safe to be vulnerable with, and maintaining an emotional distance can be protective. People-pleasing is often a learned response, developed in relationships where certain emotions and needs were not fully welcomed. Undoing people-pleasing tendencies should not involve self-blame or shaming ourselves for struggling to open up, even when we know our friends would be supportive.
Many clients express that while they intellectually understand that their friends would offer support, they struggle with doubts on an emotional level. Changing how we feel about receiving support on an emotional level goes beyond intellectual understanding.
Experiencing Support on a Deeper Level
To truly change our relationship with accepting support as a people-pleaser, we must allow ourselves to experience it, taking the time to be present and notice how it affects us physically. In therapy, this might involve slowing down and paying attention to the emotional and physical sensations that arise when you are genuinely cared for and validated.
Therapy sessions offer a unique space to explore these moments of receiving support. Many clients express that these experiences lead to a deep sense of being understood and acknowledged, while also experiencing a flow of positive emotions. By gradually immersing ourselves in these moments with trusted individuals, we can train both the mind and body to feel comfortable with receiving support without guilt or shame.
Book Your Free Consultation Today
Are you ready to embrace support without guilt and break free from people-pleasing? Book your free 20-minute consultation today, and let's work together on your journey toward greater emotional and mental well-being. Whether you're in Ontario, Alberta, or British Columbia, I offer virtual therapy to support you in this important transformation.
Warmly,
Hannah Peirce
Comments